childhood

i duno why, but now i sorta choose to face reality.
this is bcuz of wat nic said, n even tho jingyi n macy think dat he shldnt say dat.
i dun wan ppl to think dat im not normal. noooo way.
ms chang told me to tell mr ng bout it, cuz test coming, and its on sin and tan and cos graph.
im sick of telling each new teacher each time about it.
i know all i gotta do is relax. n it'll get better. i hope. at least i know it will. n i wish it will too.
but den im still a bit pissed at wat nic said. and btw, nothin is wrong with my brain. n yah. im normal. n i noe all i gotta do i chill. n relax.
now its lke s3 n im alredi slacking. i need to work harder. esp in maths n sciences and english. others is lke not very very important rite. without maths n sciences wat will u do.
so i muz jia you.
and i know i can do better dan wat ever i am doing now. cuz im minyen. i need to push myself more. plan my time better. but den i feel lke doin it, but i dont == tlkin is no use.
im not worried about anything, but after wat nic said 我感到从梦中醒过来一样，发现reality不是这样的. now i need to improve my grades
mom told me if i study well dis yr she allow me to change skl
im not worried bout dat.
n wen nic said dose things, memories of goin in n out of e damn hospital n clinic makes me pissed. dats y i hate doctors e most no matter wat. esp dat white robe dey wear.
i still remember once, mom brought me to a psychologist cuz i bcame emo n cut myself. i still remember dat. e scene where mom was crying bcuz of me. the times where dad said 你变坏了
n i also remember mom trying to soothe me saying u r normal, all u haf different is a different childhood.
and u no jingyi and macy, sometimes i ask myself. y m i different. ppl ask about it. r u cold min yen? y is your hand...?
the only thing i dont want is pity. i dont want to be pitied cuz im lke a normal person. juz... yah u get wat i mean.
now i understand why bad memories stay longer than good memories. life is short. damn short. no 1 knows when u will die. how u will die. where u go after you die.
but den i know, i wun die before i do wat im suppose to do when im alive. n i know all i gotta do now is study my best. live to the fullest of fullest of my life. i dun care wat ppl say cuz dats wat frenz r for. n i noe the evilest words r the best words.
i am trying to convince myself that im normal cuz i know i am. im trying ways to calm myself down, not get so agitated. den my hand will get better
n if nic sees dis post, all i want to say to him is sry. cuz i didnt reli wan to sorta shout at him.
actually i also want to say thx. cuz if he didnt say dat, i wldnt choose to face reality.
*tries to smile * i dun wan to say dat dis is a forced smile.
i duno wat to say now,
but i know that all i gotta do is do my best in everything, and live on.
i will try to listen wat ppl say to me about it..
i can do it, cuz im min yen.
:]